


I Could Have Stopped It

by OkamiShadou98



Series: Lucifer One-shots [3]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Apologies, Happy Ending, Lucifer Needs a Hug, Pining, So does Chloe actually, Text Messages
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23696902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OkamiShadou98/pseuds/OkamiShadou98
Summary: When Chloe went to Europe with Trixie, she left behind her phone, not wanting to receive any messages or calls from Lucifer. Several months after returning, she finds the old phone buried in a drawer and realizes Lucifer texted her almost every single day she was gone.
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Series: Lucifer One-shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673098
Comments: 159
Kudos: 534





	1. I Felt Guilty

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one-shot but I'm splitting it into two chapters now. I've never done a story with this sort of formatting so any suggestions are welcome, especially if the text messages become confusing.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this pile of angst and let me know what you think!

“Mommy hurry!” Trixie exclaimed, shifting from foot to foot and brandishing some flashy toy her father had gotten her. 

“Wait a minute, I need to find you some batteries.” Chloe pawed through that special drawer present in every kitchen in America, shifting aside old letter openers, magnets, several pairs of scissors, and miscellaneous chargers as she looked for the package of batteries she definitely remembered buying not two days ago. “Why don’t you play with something else for a bit?”

Trixie huffed but complied, setting down her toy on the counter and retreating to her room. Chloe eyed the doll, taking in the rainbow hair and bedazzled skirt. According to the package, the doll was supposed to light up and make noise. She was secretly happy she could not find any batteries. Seriously, why were children’s toys so loud in the first place? And more importantly, how did Dan always manage to find the most obnoxious ones?

Returning to the drawer, she began to pick through the various items inside, surprised to find keys belonging to her old car and an out of date insurance card which had expired six months prior. Really, she should take some time and clean out all the clutter. Most of the stuff in the drawer was junk anyway.

She peeled back layer after layer, pulling out items destined for the trashcan and making another, smaller, pile of things that should be relocated. 

Nearly finished, the bottom of the drawer now visible for probably the first time since she had bought the house, her fingers brushed against something thin and smooth. Tugging the mystery item out from where it hid beneath a set of those metal holiday cookie cutters, she realized it was her old phone.

Leaning back against the counter, she studied the device. The screen was still smudged with fingerprints, corner cracked from when she had dropped it one time too many. Currently it was without its case, the weight all wrong in her hands. Idly, she pressed the power button but was not surprised when the screen remained black. The phone hadn’t been charged in nearly four months, since before her trip to Europe.

She traced the edge with her fingertip, remembering the day it had been shoved into the drawer. The vacation to Europe had been planned and she had been doing one last shopping trip the night before the flight to pick up a few necessities. 

At first, she had largely ignored the display of cellphones in the back of the store, more concerned with buying a few books for herself and more shorts for Trixie. On her way to checkout however, she had found herself lingering around the display.

Technically, she hadn’t needed to get a new phone, especially considering what she had just paid for the impromptu vacation. All the bright signs declaring what new features an updated model could offer did not resonate with her. What was even the point of having three cameras?

There was one thing a new phone could give her though, and it wasn’t written on any of those stupid signs.

Since she had seen his… well, since the debacle with Lucifer, she had feared he would try to reach out to her. Thus far, he hadn’t dared but it had only been a week and she dreaded the moment when he would inevitably call her. Traveling across the world was all well and good but she needed to be free of him for a while, get her head in order without fear or worry. 

Just thinking about him made her stomach lurch. She gripped her shopping cart handle so hard, her knuckles looked ready to burst out of her skin. A dizzy spell nearly overcame her and she took slow, measured breaths to calm down.

Simply leaving her phone behind while she was abroad was no good. She would have to maintain contact with Dan at the least and her mother too. Changing her number didn’t sound like a good enough option though.

Her current device was, in some ways, tainted. Every text Lucifer had ever sent her was on that phone, along with pictures of him and those awful ringtones he would download when she wasn’t looking…

Breathe Chloe, breathe.

So, buying a new phone had seemed like the best option. In many ways, it had been liberating. She had given everyone who needed to know her new number… along with not so hidden demands that no one tell Lucifer about the change. Even Ella had agreed, though the other woman had been visibly upset. Chloe’s blase excuse that she needed time away from anything that could remind her of work was weak at best.

After setting up the new phone, she had shoved the old one in the kitchen drawer, feeling like normal was obtainable for the first time since seeing… his face. It helped that Lucifer had no idea she was leaving in the first place. 

Was it cowardly, leaving after promising him the two of them would talk? Oh yeah. But Chloe felt her cowardliness, just this once, was probably the sanest decision she could make.

And not once had she thought about the phone she’d left behind. Until now, that was.

She wondered what she would find if she charged it, if Lucifer had called when he’d found she was gone. Had he left voicemails?

Before she knew what she was doing, she plugged the phone into the wall socket. After waiting a minute, she pressed the power button again, the screen flickering to life and demanding her password.

Here, she hesitated, wondering what the hell she was doing. Only a month ago she’d almost poisoned Lucifer, convinced his presence on Earth meant the end to humanity. That moment still made her physically sick, remembering how excited he’d been about their date and his devastation when she had admitted she wasn’t sure if she could accept him.

Since then, he hadn’t been around much, avoiding the precinct and making himself scarce at Lux. She knew he was still in the city, had even asked a few people to go to the club during its peak hours and make sure Lucifer was okay.

The reports hadn’t been at all reassuring. 

He rarely made appearances anymore, the piano left in the corner to collect dust. When he did show up, often just dressed in just boxers and a robe like he couldn’t be bothered to care for himself, it was just to retrieve more alcohol from the club’s main stores. The constant parade of people to the penthouse had halted completely, his personal elevator now key code protected.

Several times Chloe had considered going to see him but she knew that would almost certainly make the situation worse. His prolonged absence was to get away from her and she could empathize with that, having done the same thing - even if her response had been far more extreme.

Regardless, the gap between them was not going to be fixed by her checking on him, though giving him space did not appear to be working either. That didn’t mean it wasn’t agony for her.

She’d seen Lucifer spiral several times, but at least then she could keep an eye on him. Now, he was beyond her reach. Her concern for him worried at her. There was no escaping it. At work, every coffee cup reminded her of him. At home, she had to deal with all the pictures Trixie had drawn of her partner, usually sporting inaccurate tails and horns. She hadn’t the heart to tell her daughter to take the picture down, instead suffering in silence.

Was this how Lucifer had felt while she was gone? Someone must have eventually clued him in on her abrupt vacation plans but as far as she was aware, everyone had kept their promise and not told him anything beyond that.

She looked to the phone again, the small light in the upper corner blinking to signal unread messages. Picking up the device with heavy trepidation, she put in the code.

The screen lit up with the familiar background of her and Trixie at the Santa Monica pier. They’d gone one afternoon to ride the Ferris wheel and have ice cream right after her divorce had been finalized. Trixie was so young in the photo, her smile missing several baby teeth.

She was stalling.

Tapping to open up the apps page, she selected her voicemail and scrolled through. Most were from unknown numbers, though one was from a cousin who lived out in Utah. Lucifer’s number was not amongst them and her stomach simultaneously sank with regret as she breathed out in relief.

Checking her voicemail first had been the safe option however. Lucifer had always preferred sending texts to actually calling. Something about emojis fascinated him to no end. When he’d first gotten a phone, he had demanded she explain to him what every single face emoji meant. Luckily, he’d learned what the eggplant and peach stood for all on his own. She wasn’t sure she could have handled that particular conversation.

She realized she was smiling and her chest ached at how long it’d been since she’d last thought about her partner fondly.

Tapping to open her texts, she was greeted by several un-opened ones, the most recent of which belonging to her service provider to tell her the phone was now inactive. Below that were a few amber alerts and one or two warnings about earthquakes. She deleted all of these without reading them.

They vanished and the next name to pop up was almost enough to make her forget the whole thing and toss her phone in the trash disposal… and then light the sink on fire.

Lucifer’s name, she never used nicknames in her phone, waited patiently for her, innocent as a bear trap.

This was her last chance to back out… and why was this such a big deal to start with? What could his messages possibly tell her that she didn’t already know? Most of them were probably angry anyway. Leaving without saying anything, yeah, that had been shitty of her. Opening the thread, she scrolled up immediately, searching for the first message he had sent after she’d left.

There were hundreds.

Finally, she reached a message sent four days into her vacation and started to read:

**June 22 - 8:15 am**

‘Detective, are you alright? It’s been two weeks now since… anyway, I would like to come into work today.’

‘If that’s okay with you of course. I understand if you’d rather I didn’t.’

‘Detective?’

‘I can give you more time, all the time you need, just… I haven’t seen Miss. Lopez in a while and I wish to speak with Daniel about Charlotte. But of course, this isn’t about me. Please, take your time. I don’t want to pressure you.’

**10:30 am**

‘The interim Lieutenant says you’re on vacation. I understand, but if you’d wanted more space, I would have left LA for a bit. The city is your home too.’

‘Miss. Lopez won’t tell me where you are. I wasn’t trying to find you or anything! I was just curious. But she said that you had everyone promise not to tell me.’

‘The Lieutenant has assured me that you’re using saved vacation days for your trip and are being paid in full. You can come back whenever you wish, I won’t bother you. I promise. Won't even call.'

**June 23 - 9:30 am**

‘I apologize for messaging you again but I just wanted to inform you that the investigation into Pierce has cleared you of any wrongdoing and you’ll be fully reinstated upon your return. I wasn’t sure if anyone had told you.’

‘Of course, it was the only logical conclusion that could be drawn. You didn’t do anything wrong.’

'The fault lies with me.'

**June 24 - 4:27 pm**

‘You’re in Europe? Someone let slip at the precinct, I wasn’t digging, I swear! In fact, I’ll be avoiding the precinct, so if you don’t want to see me, you can just come back to work without worry.’

‘You didn’t have to go so far though… but it’s your choice obviously. Whatever makes you comfortable. Europe is lovely in the summer, you’ll enjoy it.’

The next few days were more of the same, Lucifer sending careful messages which didn’t convey much about how he felt. She scrolled down to about a week into her vacation, where the messages became much less impersonal.

**July 2 - 7:09 am**

‘Today is Charlotte’s funeral, they wouldn’t release her body until the investigation was completed. I don’t think I’m supposed to go. Daniel is rather upset with me and Linda said it would be a bad idea for me to attend the burial. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I didn’t want anyone to hurt, least of all you. But it’s all I seem to do anymore.’

‘I did want to go, she was my friend, but Daniel becomes so cold when he sees me and…’

‘I’m sorry you’re missing the ceremony as well, you were her friend too. You could have come back for it, I would have stayed away so you could grieve.’

‘It’s been quiet this last week. Miss. Lopez cries every time she sees me so I stopped visiting her. And with Daniel currently not speaking to me and Amenadiel gone…’

‘When are you coming home?’

‘I know I have no right to ask you but it’s been over a week now and I thought maybe we could have that talk soon.’

‘If you’re ready, of course.’

‘Detective?’

‘Are you there?’

**July 3 - 5:45 pm**

‘I went to see Charlotte’s grave. Her family picked out a very nice plot, not too crowded or close to the road.’

‘I think she would have liked it too.’

‘Seeing the grave I just… are you alright? And the urchin? Does she like Europe?’

‘Did you tell her the truth? Because I would never hurt her, surely she knows that right?

‘Do you know that?’

‘Right?’

For the next week, Lucifer only texted sparingly, usually about work. Then, something changed again.

**July 14 - 9:55 am**

‘I’m so sorry Detective. Please, just come home. You never have to see me again if you don’t want to. I just need to know that you’re safe.’

‘Please, I don’t care if it’s just to tell me to fuck off, please let me know you’re okay.’

‘It’s been two weeks now. You’re coming back right?’

‘Right?’

‘Linda has told me to stop texting you but I won’t, not until you reply.’

‘I hate it here without you. Everyone’s sad and I don’t know how to fix it.’

‘Detective?’

‘Please, I know I’ve no right to ask for anything but please, I can’t stand this.’

‘It hurts.’

**July 15 - 1:05 am**

‘I keep having these dreams that something terrible has happened to you. I don’t know what to do. I want to give you the time you need but… please come home?’

‘I won’t see you if you do. I just want to know you’re safe.’

**2:30 am**

‘I’m so sorry, Detective.’

**2:58 am**

‘What can I do? I’ll go anywhere you want me to, disappear for six months if that’s what it takes. I’ll resign from the department or close Lux and leave LA. I can open a club in Las Vegas and then when you’re ready to talk, I won’t be that far.’

**3:15 am**

‘I can’t sleep, thinking that I’m the reason you’re staying away.’

‘I’m so sorry.’

‘And I’m sorry I keep apologizing. It must bother you.’

'I'm sorry for that too.'

**4:48 am**

‘It’s been days. I can’t remember the last time I ate. Linda keeps pressing for more sessions.’

‘I didn’t tell her what happened. It wasn’t my decision to make and I didn’t want to anger you.’

‘But I need to talk about it, I think. If I went to a different therapist, would that be okay? Discussing it I mean. I wouldn’t use your real name or anything.’

‘It’s just… there’s no one to talk to here. I haven’t seen anyone since you left and… but I shouldn’t be complaining. I’m sorry to make my problems your’s.’

**July 16 - 11:12 pm**

‘No one comes to Lux anymore. I suspect it’s because I keep playing the same song over and over but I don’t know what else to do anymore.’

‘I never meant to show you that side of me. It’s monstrous and I hate it, hate that piece of myself.’

‘But that’s not who I am.’

‘Surely you know that.’

‘Right?’

‘Detective?’

‘You don’t think I’m a monster, do you?’

‘Hello?’

**July 17 - 12:04 pm**

‘You’re coming home?’

‘I mean, obviously you are. You wouldn’t just pack up and move without saying something.’

‘Detective?’

**4:15 pm**

‘Don’t be mad but I went to your place and watered your front flowers. There hasn’t been any rain and I know how much you love them.’

‘And I took your car to the DMV because your registration was about to expire. I noticed it a few days ago when I took it to get washed.’

‘For when you get home… which will be any day now.’

‘Right?’

**July 20 - 3:57 am**

‘I’ve been blacking out, which is why I haven’t texted you these past few days. Though I’m sure you’re relieved about that. I don’t mean to keep bothering you but… please just respond?’

‘Once?’

‘Just give me some sign you’re alive and the child is okay.’

‘I miss you both terribly.’

‘I want to give you time but this is getting extreme. It’s been nearly four weeks.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me you were going to leave?’

**July 21 - 1:12 pm**

‘I’ve lost you, haven’t I? I tried so hard to not ruin this.’

‘I really did think Pierce could change. Because if he could, then maybe I could too. But evidently I was mistaken.’

‘He made you happy though and… Detective, I just wanted you to be happy. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.’

‘I don’t think I’ll be staying in LA much longer. There’s no reason to anymore. Even breathing here hurts, like my lungs are full of razor blades.’

‘I have a request, though I know I’m not entitled. Please, if you haven’t already, don’t tell the urchin about what you saw. I don’t want to be the monster in her nightmares.’

**July 22 - 12:01 am**

‘It’s been one month as of a minute ago.’

**July 23 - 5:16 am**

‘Do you hate me?’

‘Please answer that. Of all the questions I have sent, please this time, just answer me. One word.’

‘I don’t know what to do. What if this is it? What if you never come back?’

‘Please come back. I’m so sorry.’

‘I can’t take this anymore. Everything hurts.’

‘I’m drowning.’

‘Detective?’

‘Chloe?’

That was the last message, sent only four hours before Chloe herself would land back in Los Angeles.

The phone slipped from her grasp, clattering to the counter top.

All that time, while she’d been letting Father Kinley fill her head with lies, he’d been begging her for a bone, any small sign she was even coming back. What had he thought all that time? That she hated him?

Her chest ached and she felt sick, the room closing in on her. She sank to the floor, head between her knees.

She should’ve never bought that fucking phone.


	2. All I Wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the wait was a bit longer than I'd anticipated. This is one of the hardest things I've ever written in terms of subject material. Somehow, this chapter ended up angstier than the last one.
> 
> Special thank you to MorningStarGirl666 for and smoothmove76.
> 
> I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

When Chloe managed enough energy to lift her head from where it rested on her knees, the apartment was dark. Twisting, she looked to the digital clock on the microwave.

8:13 pm.

Her eyes ached in a way she had only ever experienced after crying uncontrollably, a throbbing pain taking residence just beneath her eyelids and bringing with it a raw dryness. Moving stiffly, she climbed to her feet, shaking herself free of the wooliness making her head heavy. Faintly, she could hear Trixie playing in her room, the familiar sound bringing no comfort this time. 

The phone was still on the counter.

For a long moment, she stared at the device. How different would things be if she’d just brought it with her? Would she have still believed Father Kinley, or even sought him out in the first place, if she had read even one of Lucifer’s messages?

She would have liked to think that knowing would have changed things, reading as her partner, her friend, crumbled from hope to despair. His anger and loathing, not directed at her as it should have been but at himself, had been cruelly poignant. Requesting their mutual friends lie, she had unintentionally segregated him, depriving and cutting him off from everyone. And evidently he’d gone along with it, desperate, even in his heartbroken state, to make her life easier.

This past month, after temporarily dissolving their partnership, what had he been doing? Chloe herself spent time with Trixie, went to work and had occasional drinks with Ella, never truly alone. She missed Lucifer of course, but she’d also been surrounded by people. 

The thought of him spending even another minute alone…

Her movements were ungainly, legs still stiff from crouching on the floor for so long, as she headed for her purse by the front door. Undoing the clasp, she pulled out her current phone, fumbling in her haste to dial a familiar number.

As the phone rang, she chewed on her bottom lip, scanning the empty room restlessly.

“Hello?” someone answered.

“Hi Ella, it’s Chloe.”

“Oh hey, what’s up!” Ella’s jovial voice usually never failed to make Chloe smile but not tonight.

“I’m fine,” she said, “but I needed a favor, actually.”

“Whatever you need, Chloe.”

“Can you come over to my house and babysit Trixie? I… I have to do something and I didn’t know who else to call because it’s so late.”

Some of Ella’s cheerfulness faded. “Are you okay? You sound a little weird.”

“I’m fine,” she repeated, wondering if she had ever felt less fine in her life.

“Yeah, I can babysit. Tomorrow’s my day off. I’ll be there soon.” Ella still sounded cautious as she hung up.

Chloe groaned, pressing the phone to her forehead. The surface was cool but heated quickly against her skin. Was she hot? She felt like she had a fever. 

Storing her phone back in the purse, she went upstairs to change out of her lounge wear. Last time she’d checked, Lux had a strict “no stained sweatpants” policy. Peeling off her clothes, she searched for something suitable to wear.

She should have checked on Lucifer three weeks ago when the truth about the near poisoning had come out, why the fuck had she left this so late?

Actually, she already knew the answer. The look in his eyes when she’d admitted she wasn’t sure she could ever accept he was the Devil… she’d never understood what people meant when they described someone as broken. It was more than just the way he’d looked at her, an utter wreckage so pronounced, his frame had seemed incapable of carrying the additional weight. To watch the light literally leave his eyes, the agonizing acceptance born from shattered hope and resignation... And beneath that, cold resilience, a hardened interior which had grown so accustomed to being labeled the monster, he had already prepared for the knowledge she would not accept him.

Tears were streaming down her face even as she blindly grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt. Pulling the clothes on, she went to the bathroom to clean up her face.

When the doorbell rang several minutes later, her skin was still terribly blotchy, eyes red rimmed. Descending the stairs, she heard Trixie open the door and greet Ella excitedly.

“Mommy, Ella’s here!”

“I know, Monkey. She’s going to watch you for a bit tonight.” Chloe fixed in place a smile as she greeted her friend. “Ella, thank you so much for doing this.”

“Of course. I brought some movies for us to watch and everything!” She gestured to the small backpack she had slung across one shoulder.

“Actually, could we talk outside for a second?” She had a few questions she wanted to ask.

Ella nodded and the two of them stepped out onto the small porch area, sitting on a set of metal chairs. Despite the late hour, the glow issuing from the neighbors’ windows kept the area lit. Chloe could see her flower bed clearly, clusters of reds and purples popping against the semi-darkness. She hadn’t even thought about her garden the whole time she’d been away. 

When she’d come home to find the flowers thriving, if slightly wilted, despite the roaring July heat, she hadn’t given it a second thought. There had been far more important things demanding her attention, namely, figuring out how to return to some semblance of normal while also planning to banish her partner back to Hell.

Yet even as she and Kinley had planned how to lure Lucifer into a trap, he’d been visiting her house to take care of her flowers, a chore he probably loathed.

“Chloe,” Ella whispered, “you’re crying.”

She dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve. “I think I’ve made a huge mistake… several of them.”

Ella’s brow scrunched thoughtfully. “Is this about Lucifer?” At Chloe’s startled look, she smiled grimly. “The two of you have been kinda weird, y’know? I really thought that date he had planned for you was going to fix everything.”

“He told you about our date?” 

“Yeah, showed me the dress and everything. He was afraid he was going overboard, what with the helicopter ride and everything.”

Huh?

“What are you talking about? What dress?”

Ella cocked her head. “Lucifer bought this dress for you. Remember when you came to my lab to reschedule? He was showing it to me because he was so excited.”

“We… we didn’t really have the date. I mean, he made me dinner but we were interrupted by work and then” - and then I almost poisoned him - “then, everything fell apart.”

“Is that why he isn’t answering anyone’s call?” Ella asked.

She frowned. “What do you mean?” 

“I thought it was just me at first but Linda confirmed that Lucifer hasn’t made a single appointment since he stopped coming to the precinct. His phone used to go straight to voicemail if you called but now it’s disconnected or something.”

Why hadn’t anyone told her what was going on? Or had they assumed that she already knew? 

Chloe winced. Of course she should have known. They were friends for God’s sake! If he’d pulled this disappearing act any other time, she would have been the first one knocking at his door to drag him back to work. Lucifer was friends with Ella and Linda but Chloe knew that she was different. 

Since they had first worked together, he had placed her on some pedestal. She was the only one who could calm the inferno which so often raged within him unchecked, a power she was realizing was even more special than she’d originally thought. To be able to sooth the literal Devil… 

“What was he like while I was away?”

Ella started at the question, shifting uncomfortably. “Well, he didn’t know you were gone so he just showed up one day and sat at your desk like it was a regular Monday. The new Lieutenant told him you were on vacation but he kept showing up every morning at eight on the dot with a coffee for you. Then, he’d just sit at your desk until your shift would normally end and go home.”

“He did that every day?” Chloe was aghast.

“No, just the first few. I couldn’t take it, seeing him wait for you like that, so I told him you’d gone to Europe. He was really upset, I guess he thought you were still local or something. Anyway, he stopped coming in after that, even though the Lieutenant offered to pair him up with another detective.”

Chloe remembered his one text, explaining he would stop coming to work so she wouldn’t feel pressured to stay away.

“Did you see him? After he stopped coming in, I mean.” She couldn’t handle the thought of him being so alone.

Ella shook her head sadly. “I tried but, man, he was so broken up. I went to Lux to see him a few times but he wasn’t there. Not literally, I mean, just… Chloe, he was so empty. He would just sit at the piano and play all these 90s heartbreak songs. But he always settled on ‘Creep’ in the end.”

“By Radiohead?” Chloe knew that song a little too well, having listened to it practically every day during her teenage years.

“Yeah. Sometimes he would get through the whole thing but more often than not he would just let it fade out and then sit there, staring off into space,” she sniffled. “I only managed to sit through it for a week or so before I had to stop. I’m not even sure he knew I was there in the first place. He was off in his own world.”

Ella looked thoroughly miserable and Chloe found herself turning away, unable to witness the pain her snap decision had caused. 

Abruptly, she stood. “I’ve got to go.”

Ella nodded. “Yeah.” She rose as well. “Oh and Chloe? When you see him, tell Lucifer we all care about him. Even Dan. Everyone misses him at work.”

She offered a watery smile, “Yeah, I will.”

The two bid farewell, Chloe trying her best to keep her emotions in check as she drove to Lux.

She hadn’t known how excited he’d been about that date. A helicopter? How long had he been planning that moment? And then she’d ruined it spectacularly. Even after she had taken off, ignored him for a month, returned and acted shady as fuck, he had still maintained a rigid belief in her.

That pedestal he put her on? It was more like a damn tower. 

Absently, she hummed ‘Creep’ to herself as she navigated through the last remnants of evening traffic. As she did so, she began to draw a few parallels between the lyrics and Lucifer.

She wasn’t happy with the comparison.

It took less time than she’d thought to reach Sunset Boulevard, though that probably had more to do with the fact it was a Wednesday than anything else. The club scene during the weekdays wasn’t exactly anything to write home about, even in LA.

Of course, once she got within a quarter mile of Lux, the foot traffic became much heavier. As she pulled alongside the building, she eyed the endless line waiting impatiently to get inside. There were probably clubs just down the block that had only a few patrons.

She pulled into the narrow strip that led to the parking garage below Lux, a club bouncer waving her familiar vehicle through with a glance at her license plate. Ever since she’d started working with Lucifer, all of Lux’s staff seemed to know exactly who she was, even new employees. Was that part of their first day orientation? Here’s your uniform, your schedule, and a picture of Chloe Decker, who you’re never to turn away.

She parked beside Lucifer’s Corvette and climbed out. The slam of the car door echoed strangely in the empty space and her hand went to her hip instinctively. There was something wholly uninviting about the place, a broodiness that had the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end.

Shaking herself, she approached the elevator and pushed the call button. As she waited, she tried not to look up at the security cameras pointed directly at her, red light blinking ominously as it recorded her. She couldn’t remember whether or not the device had been there last time she’d visited.

When even had been the last time she’d even come here?

She excluded the disastrous date and all that followed based on principle because then there had been an ulterior motive. There had been her birthday, though Lucifer himself hadn’t been present for most of that. And then? Well, then she’d begun dating Pierce and spending time at the penthouse had seemed inappropriate somehow.

The elevator doors opened with a smooth hiss and she gave the camera one last uncertain look. Lucifer had never been interested in security. Now she knew the truth, it was obvious why. So long as she wasn’t near, he was essentially invulnerable. So, why the security camera now?

Entering the elevator, she was greeted by another surprise. A key code screen had been installed just below the rows of buttons, waiting for her to plug in a pin. Now that _definitely_ hadn’t been there a month ago. 

She pressed the button for the penthouse level. Maybe the code was in place to protect other levels of the building. No matter how rattled, she just couldn’t see Lucifer barring anyone entrance to his home. In all the years she’d known him, he’d never much cared who tramped into the penthouse or when.

The button lit up but the elevator refused to move.

Well that was… a terrible sign, actually. Lucifer avoiding the club was one thing but if even his personal elevator was locked, was he seeing anyone at all? Even if he was just engaging in nonstop orgies, she’d rather that than him hiding alone upstairs. 

She studied the screen. Four digit pass code. Possibilities zero to nine.

Well, that ruled out 666 and 420. What had Linda said all that time ago about 8008 spelling boob?

She tried the combination, only for the screen to beep in protest. Okay, what other four digit number would he use? She next tried 2011, the year he’d come to Earth. Again, the sequence was incorrect.

Beginning to grow frustrated, she started running through every option that popped into her head.

1234 - just in case.

1134 - spelled Hell upside down

1981 - her birth year

1980 - _Dan’s_ birth year

She was getting desperate now and running out of possibilities. She’d always prided herself on knowing Lucifer. Not knowing the stupid code felt like she was failing somehow - failing _him_.

Without thinking, she put in 0224, the same code which protected her own phone. To her surprise, the elevator lurched to life, ascending.

Really, Trixie’s birthday? How had he even known the date?

The ride was quicker than Chloe would have preferred. She had no idea what to say. An apology seemed woefully insufficient. Explaining why she hadn’t received his texts, did he even care anymore? 

Had she finally pushed him too far?

The doors opened again and Chloe forced herself to not just rush out to look for Lucifer.

“Are you the Grubhub chap? You can leave the food on the bar, the money’s there,” Lucifer called from where he was sprawled out lengthwise on the couch and watching television, the back of his head just visible over the armrest.

After not hearing from him for a month, his voice nearly brought her to tears for the third time in the last hour.

“It’s me,” she managed to squeak out from around the lump in her throat nearly choking her.

Lucifer jolted, sitting up and fumbling with the remote to mute the TV. 

“Detective?” he asked, eyes wide.

She looked him over quickly, relieved to note he appeared healthy. His hair was an absolute mess, sticking up in all directions, and he was wearing just a robe and lounge pants, but at least he was alive.

“Um… sorry to just drop in on you like this-”

“How did you get in?” he said over her.

He stood, tying the belt of his robe firmly and pinning her with a look of flat disinterest. His face was all hard lines, brow drawn down and mouth rigid in its scowl. There was no warmth to him, no hint of companionship or even familiarity. He was staring at her like she was no more than an insect which had crawled into his palace.

Though she’d expected his reaction, it hurt all the same. They hadn’t spoken in nearly a month. No calls. No texts. Nothing. She looked away, trying to collect herself before she burst into tears again. No matter what they’d gone through, he’d never looked at her like that. Like her very existence bothered him. In looking away, she realized the penthouse was trashed.

It looked like Lucifer had taken to sleeping on his couch. There was a permanent impression in the leather that was roughly his size. Blankets and pillows were there too, piled around the indent haphazardly. The wall behind the bar was empty but the bottles themselves were everywhere. On the piano. On his desk. On the floor. His coffee table was covered in Styrofoam takeout containers, some dangerously close to becoming green and fuzzy.

“I think we should talk,” she said softly, tearing her eyes away from the mess. “I promised before I left but we never really got around to that, did we?”

Lucifer ignored her. “No one should’ve let you in. Did one of the bouncers give you the elevator code? Who was it?” He was radiating nervous energy, shifting from foot to foot. 

“No one let me in,” she said. “I parked downstairs and just guessed the elevator code.” She tried not to take it too personally that he’d obviously revoked her visiting rights.

“Did you now? And did it occur to you that perhaps there was a reason you hadn’t been told the code?” He picked up a bottle at random, taking a long swallow and setting it back on the floor. “If you’ll excuse me,” he stormed past her, “I have some business to attend to downstairs.”

She reached for his hand but aborted at the last second. “I know you haven’t been downstairs in weeks!” she said loudly.

He wheeled around. “Been spying on me, have you?” His voice trembled with anger. 

“I was worried. After how we… left things last time, I didn’t think you’d want me around. So I had a few old friends come by and just… keep me updated.”

“Well you’re right, I don’t want you around.” He gestured towards the elevator. “Goodbye, Detective.”

It was the use of her moniker, said with such a biting cold, that finally did her in.

“Please, Lucifer, _please_ can we talk?”

Tears pricked in her eyes and for a moment Lucifer softened, moving closer to her. But the fire was quick to return, a smothered flame roaring back to life with twice the ferocity.

“Oh, _now_ you want to talk? Well by all means, if you _desire_ it.” He flung himself back onto the couch, staring at the still muted television, tense jawed. “I’d offer you a drink but we both know what nearly happened last time.”

His sarcasm was cruel, striking out at her with no regard for the devastation. A part of her wanted to say something back, but she knew, beneath that anger, he was hurting terribly. No matter how his mouth twisted around furious words, his eyes were dull, the brown rendered a lackluster muddy color. The piles of takeout containers were mostly uneaten, the couch a literal nest of blankets he could shelter in.

She sank into the armchair opposite him. “What are you watching?” she asked.

Maybe an ice breaker would do them some good. Everything about this situation felt foreign to her, like it was her very first time visiting the penthouse. The objects around her were familiar but without Lucifer’s typical banter and charm, the room was no more than a movie studio recreation - close to the original yet somehow miles off the mark.

This wasn’t the same place where she’d first seen his scars. Or shown up drunk in the middle of the night after being dumped over text. They’d sat here once, by the balcony windows, and almost shared a dinner. She’d spent her last birthday here, and later, he had given her the bullet necklace currently residing on her dresser at home. 

They’d drunk at his bar. Played the piano together. Cases had been both solved and fallen apart in this room. And now, where once there had been the fledgling promises of something more, was a relic of a bygone time. Because here too was where she’d almost poisoned him. All those memories of the past three years soured. The spilled wine was long gone but a stain remained, an all encompassing mark of things that could, perhaps, one day be forgiven but certainly never forgotten.

Lucifer still refused to even glance her way. “Bones,” he grunted.

“What?” she asked, forgetting the original question.

“I’m watching Bones,” he repeated impatiently, jerking his head to indicate a pile of DVD cases at the end of the couch.

Most of the cases were hidden by his pile of blankets but she could make out a few titles. Aside from what looked like all twelve seasons of Bone, he also had copies of Castle, the X-Files, and White Collar.

Her stomach sank. Last year, Lucifer had said something about the main characters of Bones reminding him of their partnership. Though she wasn’t familiar with all the shows he’d collected, she knew they all revolved around crime solving partners. Around _close_ crime solving partners. What was he doing, tormenting himself like this while their own partnership crumbled?

In spite of herself, she twisted to watch the television, just in time to see the main characters laugh over a joke or something. Even though it was only a show, the sight skewed her. Imagining Lucifer and herself in that same situation was so easy. Her chest ached for all that had been missing since she’d seen his true face. All the laughs they’d never shared. The coffee cups he’d never brought. The innuendos she’d never heard.

“So,” Chloe said, hating the way the silence lingered thick as smoke, “you like police procedurals?”

Lucifer skipped ahead in his episode. “Not particularly, no.”

“Oh. But why are you watch-”

“Is this truly what you wanted to talk about, my TV show preferences?”

Okay, small talk was out then.

Her hands were shaking where they were clasped in her lap, hard enough for her fingers to hurt. There were a thousand things she wanted to say but every time she caught Lucifer’s expression, she lost her nerve.

She took a deep breath to settle herself. “I made mistakes,” she started.

Lucifer stiffened, head cocking in her direction, though his eyes remained fastened on his show.

“There are things I won’t apologize for. I needed to leave the country and clear my head.”

Finally, he looked her way. “Don’t apologize for leaving. You did what you had to do. If you hadn’t left, I probably would’ve so you could have space.” His face twisted into a grotesque smirk. “I’m not a monster.”

For some reason, he found something about that statement funny. He chuckled to himself darkly. It was one of the most self deprecating noises she’d ever heard.

“I know. And thank you for respecting my boundaries.”

He laughed harder. “Your standards are painfully low if not following you across the Atlantic like a bloody stalker is something you feel the need to thank me for.”

“Still,” she continued, “you never pressured me, even when I came back.”

He sobered. “Of course I didn’t. I’d never.” 

“I know that,” she smiled, trying for reassurance but her face fell when he remained stoic. “When I was in Europe, I did a lot of research. Before I met Father Kinley, I mean.”

“Because humanity would know all about the Devil.” He reached for another bottle on the floor, pulling the cork out with his teeth and draining a third of it.

“Maybe you should slow down,” she said,wide eyed. “I make you mortal so you can get drunk, right?”

“Yep,” he said, downing even more of the liquid. 

His aloof behavior was beginning to wear on her already frayed nerves. “You know, finding out who you were was kinda a big deal for me. My whole world basically caved in.”

“Why?” he asked, setting the now empty bottle down and picking up another. “Tell me, does knowing Heaven’s real make you strive to be a better person?”

“No,” she said, not sure where he was going.

“Of course not!” he said it almost gleefully as he sat up straight. “Before, your own sense of morality guided you. You told me once that you believed in good and evil. So, knowing there’s an end destination, does it really matter?”

“That’s not the point!”

“Isn’t it? So, what, now that you know there’s such a thing as Hell, you won’t be as inclined to steal or murder?” he scoffed. “You already don’t do those things. Knowing doesn’t _change_ anything, Detective. If all you humans were simply governed by fear of ending up in Hell rather than your own understanding of right and wrong, then the system would be useless. You all have choices, regardless of what you believe in. That’s the beauty of free will.”

“But God exists!”

“So?”

She gaped. Was he being serious?

“The whole universe was created by this being and I’m just supposed to act like that’s no big deal? Lucifer, everything I’ve ever learned about history and science is all wrong!”

He shrugged. “You humans still don’t even fully understand evolution. History and science, it’s always bloody changing. What’s true today won’t be true tomorrow. That’s progress.”

“I thought the church denied evolution?” she asked.

He rolled his eyes. “That’s the speculation of men who have never met Dad. He may have put His creations here but whatever they do after is entirely up to them. Sure, He’s interfered a few times. There was this galloping crocodile thing He had to take out because it was a little too good at killing everything else but mostly, He doesn’t give a toss.”

“But still, He exists.”

“Unfortunately, yes. You’ll never meet Him though. The bastard hasn’t spoken to me in billions of years and, supposedly, I'm the favorite. Or I was, at least.” He shot a glare upwards, an action she’d seen often enough. Only now did it click that he was literally giving _God_ a dirty look.

“Billions of years,” she repeated, dazed. “So, you’ve seen everything? Like, all of human history.”

“Nope. I was a prisoner of Hell too. Every time I made it topside, dear Amenadiel hauled me back down again.” The icy edge to his voice had melted. Barely. “Hell hasn’t any windows, you know.”

“So, that’s it? I’m just supposed to be okay with everything because…” she trailed off, waiting for him to finish.

He leaned forwards, elbows on his knees. “Because it doesn’t fucking matter!”

The curse, so strange coming from him, startled her and she pushed back into her seat. That old, ancient fear rising in her.

“Nothing’s changed! You’re still going to Heaven. You’re still never going to see Dad or Hell. Knowing there’s an afterlife, is it truly so groundbreaking a notion?” He stood, pacing in the narrow space between the couch and coffee table. 

“Of course it is! I was an atheist until a few months ago. I didn’t believe any of this stuff. And even if it ‘doesn’t matter’ like you say, it’s still a huge thing to come to terms with!”

He stopped, stiff shouldered, his back to her. “I don’t think you have a problem with God or angels or demons. I think you have a problem with me. You said you did research? Well, pray tell, who were you researching? Michael? Gabriel? Or just me, the Devil.”

“Are you seriously questioning my priorities?” Now she was on her feet too. “I don’t know who Michael or Gabriel are. But I know you! And I was terrified!”

He whirled to face her, teeth bared. “I should’ve been the least of your concerns _because_ you know me!”

“I was terrified of the Devil!” she screamed.

“So am I!” he roared back, eyes flashing red. His chest heaved with ragged breaths, eyes bright from the alcohol he’d drunk. “I didn’t start out this way, Detective. This wasn’t my choice. I didn’t ask to be vilified or be made into a ruler of the depraved!”

“I’m trying to make amends okay? The poisoning, that was going too far-”

“I don’t care about that! I care that you lied! I thought you wanted the date… I thought you accepted me. Even though you knew the truth, I thought you…” he trailed off and now his eyes were bright for an entirely different reason. They were wet, reflecting the light from the television. “I thought you had enough faith in me to see past the monster.” His voice had dropped as he spoke, until it warbled with a childlike insecurity. “What did I do _wrong_?”

It was the rawest of pleas, one which stole Chloe’s breath like someone had punched her in the gut with a brick. After all this, why was he blaming himself? He’d given her everything she’d asked for and then some. Abandoned their friends, hid in his penthouse and waited for her to decide to come back. 

“Lucifer, no, you didn’t do anything wrong.” She took a step toward him but he took an equal step back, fingers tangling in his robes.

“I did,” he insisted. “I must’ve.”

“No you didn’t. Father Kinley, he-”

“No, that’s not it!” He turned, hurrying to where his ornate desk stood by the bookcase lined wall and dragging out a large wooden crate.

“Lucifer, what is that?”

He yanked open the top, reaching through the packing straw and pulling out dusty volumes and manuscripts. “I contacted Father Kinley’s church back in Rome and asked them to send me all his personal files.” He flipped through the books, revealing familiar pages. “I was trying to figure out how he turned you against me. But it doesn’t make any sense!” He was nearly frantic, throwing the books onto his desk.

“What doesn’t make sense?” she asked tentatively, venturing closer.

“This ‘evidence’ he collected, it doesn’t mean anything!” He showed her a page with the photo of himself in Chicago during the week of the 1893 World’s Fair fire. “I wasn’t even in the city during the fire! I left two days earlier to avoid Amenadiel. And this one,” he flipped forward a few pages to a photo of himself in Nazi Germany, “that was the tail end of the war. Hell had been overflowing with souls, keeping track was a nightmare, so I went topside to see when the carnage was to end.”

Her heart sank at his desperate expression, his too wide eyes trying to understand what it was she’d seen.

“But I figured, if this was what had bothered you, surely you would’ve simply asked me. I’ve been in Los Angeles for nine years and nothing bad has befallen the city.” He reached back into the crate, pulling out a few more books. “So then I started to sort through his religious tomes and what utter drivel the lot of it was! Look at these, penned by excommunicated church bishops and radicals. And that,” he pointed to a hand drawn sketch of a three headed Satan chewing on people, “that’s from bloody _Dante_. It’s a fictitious work!”

Chloe felt faint hearing Lucifer so easily tear apart all of Kinley’s supposed evidence. He wasn’t doing it on purpose, she knew, not as some grand I told you so. He was just trying to understand.

“I… I didn’t know all that,” she said quietly.

He froze, still leaning over the crate. “So, you did believe all this? You thought I was responsible for Hitler? For all the wars and famines?” His tone shot up an octave, high with hurt and disbelief.

“Lucifer,” she stammered. “I didn’t know _what_ to believe. I keep telling you, the magnitude of all this, it was too much to deal with! Everything was falling apart and Father Kinley… he had answers.”

“Why didn’t you ask me?”

“Because you avoid the truth. How could I know for certain that you wouldn’t lie? One of your names in the _Father_ of Lies for crying out loud!”

He straightened but his gaze remained on the crate. Even so, his eyes were incredibly doleful.

“I’ve never lied to you,” he said softly. “Haven’t I said that?”

She laughed hollowly. “Yes but anyone can say that sort of thing. Just the words, that doesn’t mean anything!”

He flinched, shoulders curling inwards. “You… required more proof? More than my word?” And just like that, the sorrow was erased, his features settling into neutrality. “But not from the priest. No, surely I must be the liar. After all, what is years of friendship in the face of a few weeks with a stranger?” He began to sweep the books back into the crate, ignoring the tearing noise of mistreated pages.

“That’s not fair!” she protested.

“Detective, do you know what an exorcism would do to me?” he asked conversationally, replacing the top of the crate.

“I - no. No I don’t. We didn’t discuss that,” she said.

Lucifer hummed, striding back to the couch and sitting. Chloe followed, returning to her previous position in the arm chair. She folded her legs to stop them from shaking with pent up energy.

“To exorcise is to dispel, though I’m sure you know as much already. A section is targeted for removal, a bit like a tumor” He leaned over, fingers playing over the bottles on the floor before picking one out and taking a drink. “I won’t get into the actual practices necessary to complete such a ritual but, in essence, they all are about driving an energy out of its vessel.”

“Energy? Like a human soul?” she asked.

He snorted, taking another drink. “I have a soul too. Angel, remember?” He gestured to himself, spilling some of his bottle on his robe. “Actually, I remained virtually unchanged after the Fall, physically at least. I kept the divinity, the feathers, the powers over desires. All I was stripped of was my name, but I digress.”

“Your name?” Chloe couldn’t help but interject.

He looked at her oddly, almost like he didn’t see her at all. “Names are strange things,” he said slowly. “You can beat someone, crush their spirit, their very will to live, but you won’t truly own them until you possess their name.” He shook himself. “Anyway, I’m sure our dear Father Kinley was confident in his ability to send me back to Hell. His knowledge, however, was severely lacking. His exorcism wouldn’t have worked.”

“Why not?” she said, then winced. “I mean, from what you’ve said, you having a soul, shouldn’t everything have…”

He gave her a bitter look. “Isn’t it obvious, Detective? There’s nothing to exorcise.” He finished off his second bottle since her arrival. “There’s just me, myself, and I. It is very possible the exorcism would have killed me, had you been near. Kinley was working under the assumption that I was tainted with evil, that he could target that part of me. But I’m not a yin yang symbol. The light and dark, they’re not separate entities. I control the Hellfire but also the divinity. I have the face of the Devil but the wings of an angel.”

“So, trying to banish the darkness…”

“His little ritual would have ripped me to pieces. Literally. Organs exploding, bones shattering. I might have simply exploded, a divine bomb strong enough to destroy the entire west coast.” He went to fiddle with his wrist, belatedly realizing he wasn’t wearing cuff links. “I wasn’t born the Devil. I Fell and the Devil is what rose from the Lake of Fire. It was the only way to survive.”

The silence that fell between them was absolute. Lucifer watched her for a moment before his gaze swapped to the TV, where his show was just ending. Chloe sat absolutely still, turning everything over in her head. There was so much to process. Too much, really.

“Lucifer, if I’d know that’s what was going to happen, I never would have… I _never_ wanted to hurt you. Not like that.” She took a shaky breath. “Everything with Kinley was a mistake. I let myself be pulled in by his narrative when all I should have done was take my vacation and come home.”

“So now suddenly you believe me? Wasn’t I the Father of Lies only a few minutes ago? Should I send for Maze and have her perform an exorcism on me so you can see for yourself? I’d hate for you to think me a liar.”

“Stop it,” she said sharply. “I didn’t follow through with Kinley’s plans because I had doubts. I _always_ had them. You’re my partner and I’m sorry I lost my way for a bit but I can’t take it back, no matter how much I want to.”

His lips curled into a sneer. “Partners are we? I thought you couldn’t accept me.”

“And I stand by what I said last time, I _want_ to. Lucifer, I’m trying. That’s why I’m here. I’m not ready to give up on us.” She steeled herself. “The texts you sent me when I was in Europe, I never got them.”

Lucifer looked at her, pinning her in place with a searching gaze. “What do you mean?”

“I bought a new phone and changed my number right before I left.” Even though she could see how what she’d said hurt him, she forged ahead. “And earlier, I found the old phone so I charged it to see if there were any messages.”

“Oh,” he scratched behind his ear, causing a few bits of hair to stick up like blades of grass. “You should’ve just deleted them. They’re rubbish.”

“No they weren’t,” she said firmly, wanting him to believe her. “I’m sorry, I can’t imagine what you’d thought -”

“I thought you were never coming back.” He all but whispered the words, head bowing. “I thought I’d finally driven you so far away, everything was ruined.”

“Please, stop blaming yourself,” she begged. “You keep saying that the sins of humanity aren’t your fault and this wasn’t either. The whole situation was bad. Neither of us were prepared and on the heels of Mar - Pierce, well, it just wasn’t how that should’ve gone down.”

“I wish you’d never found out. Everything’s different now.”

She sighed wearily. “That’s life though. Nothing can stay the same for long.”

“So,” he said roughly, clearing his throat. “You came here because of the texts?”

“Not exactly. The whole time I was in Europe, terrified, it never occurred to me that you were just as scared. I’m sincerely sorry we left this talk so long. Maybe things would be different.”

He fiddled with the remote. “You wanted to ask why I was watching so many police procedurals.”

“Yeah, I did,” she frowned. 

“I, er, I was trying to figure out how to fix things. All these shows start with the main partners disliking one another but in the end, well, you know.”

“I’m pretty sure Mulder and Scully didn’t go through anything quite as life changing as we did,” she chided gently.

He gave a weak chuckle. “No, unless you count alien abductions.”

“And? Did you find an answer?”

At that, he looked uncomfortable. “I didn’t but then they reminded me of us and… it was nice. Granted, I’m more attractive than most of the male leads but the crime solving and banter was so familiar.” He blinked rapidly and she swore she saw a tear break free. “I missed you, Chloe.”

His pain called to her and she rose before she was aware, walking to the couch. He wouldn’t quite meet her eye as she came beside him.

“I missed you too,” she said, setting a hand on his shoulder. “And even with all the crap it brought, I’m glad I saw your other face.”

“I somehow doubt that.”

“I mean it.” She tightened her grasp. “You’re my best friend. You shouldn’t have to hide with me.”

“I _did_ tell you I was the Devil at least eight times a day.” One of his hands came up to settle over hers, his thumb stroking her knuckles.

“Yeah, we can add the world's worst detective onto my badge later.”

Lucifer sobered. “Don’t say that. How could you have known? I did my best to hide any real evidence from you.” His hand stilled atop hers. “Are we… okay?”

She smiled sadly at how vulnerable he sounded. “That depends. Are you ready to forgive me? Because I understand if you need time.”

He was already vehemently nodding his head. “Forgiven.”

Despite his eagerness, she hesitated. “Are you sure? I’ll still be here if you want a break. You were willing to leave LA for me and while I can’t just leave the city, I can do whatever you need.”

She was acutely aware of the fact that only ten minutes ago they’d been arguing. Their issues were far from solved, even if they had reached a shaky truce for the time being. Both of them were still hurt, branded by one another’s words and actions.

“I don’t think you’re a liar,” she said, untangling her hand and cupping the side of his face. “I kept coming up with excuses, ways to make myself believe Father Kinley was right. The second I came back, I wanted to call the whole thing off. And then you almost took that axe for me and… I’m so sorry. I thought you being the Devil would change things but you’re the same man. The title, it doesn’t define you. I know the real Lucifer Morningstar. He’s the guy who saved my life from Jimmy Barnes, who always brings me coffee, who punches suspects for being rude to me.”

Lucifer’s eyes glowed with a special reverence and she absently wondered how many times he’d been rejected. Not this time. It wouldn’t happen overnight, they had too many sores to heal, but someday soon they would get past this.

She dropped her hand, only to pull him into a hug. As he was still sitting, it was an awkward position, his head pressed into her stomach, but she didn’t care.

It was a moment before one of his arms looped around her waist. She could feel the heat of him even through her clothes, a flame of passion and desire. He could so easily burn her. But he wouldn’t. That much she knew.

His breathing had gone ragged again, his face pressed fully into her shirt, and she let him have his moment. When he pulled back, she pretended she didn’t see the tear tracks on his face. Similarly, he ignores those adorning her own cheeks.

The dinging of the elevator provided excellent distraction. The doors slid open and a delivery boy stepped into the penthouse, carrying a plastic bag.

Chloe went to deal with the food, sure Lucifer wasn’t quite ready to be seen by anyone else. Tipping the delivery boy, she carried his dinner to the overflowing coffee table.

Lucifer poked a few old containers out of the way to make room for the new addition and Chloe rolled her eyes.

“When was the last time you showered?” she asked.

He cocked his head. “Why?”

“Go and shower. I’ll clean up. Some of this old food is literally growing mold.”

Baffled but clearly eager to keep their new peace in place, Lucifer complied. While he cleaned himself, Chloe collected a garbage bag from under the bar top and threw out the old food. Then she folded the blankets on the couch, carrying them and the pillows into the bedroom and setting them down. 

By the time Lucifer returned in proper pajamas, still toweling off his hair, she had cleared most of the alcohol bottles.

“You didn’t have to do all that,” he said. “I have a cleaning company do that for me.”

“Yes but I feel at least partially responsible for the mess and besides, this place was practically a safety hazard.”

He retreated back into his closet, returning a moment later sans towel. His hair was lazily slicked back, curls already beginning to break free.

Chloe had relocated his dinner to the bar and he went over, unpacking what looked like a sandwich.

“Ah, Detective, have you eaten yet?” 

She looked over but he wasn’t facing her, instead fussing with the paper napkins and container, setting them with over pronounced care.

“No but I don’t want to take your food. I should get going anyway. Ella’s babysitting Trixie and-”

“Stay, please?”

His voice was so soft, she almost didn’t hear it. He still wasn’t looking at her but she could read the tension in his form.

“I, yeah, okay. I can stay for a bit.”

She took a seat beside him at the bar and Lucifer wasted no time in trying to give her half of his sandwich. He would nudge it over to her and then she would push it back, only for him to repeat the process.

It struck her then, how alone he must’ve been these last few months. But not once had he complained.

Wordlessly, she took half the sandwich. Lucifer looked pleased as she took a bite, tucking into his own meal.

She wondered where they’d be tomorrow. The next day. A week from now. Surely come morning, once they had a bit of distance, everything would fall apart again. They’d both hurt each other tonight, baring themselves. Had it been worth it?

Lucifer hummed beside her and she looked over, noticing he’d managed to get mayonnaise on his chin. He didn’t seem aware though, eyes half closed in a blissed out expression. Belatedly, she realized he looked content. It was a look she hadn’t seen for a long time. Before her near marriage. Before his two weeks of sleep deprivation. Maybe not since he'd given her the bullet necklace.

His eyes opened, warm brown flickering to meet her own gaze. She smiled, an odd warmth bubbling in her gut.

“Are you coming back to work tomorrow?” 

Lucifer cocked his head. “Do you want me to?”

“I want my partner back.”

“Then I’ll be there.”

They cleaned their minimal mess and Chloe left for the night. As she rode the elevator down, she realized what that warm feeling was.

Hope.


End file.
